Sometimes parenting is painful...

I love my Tyler. He is my first born and exudes most of those qualities. He is a perfectionist, a leader, a control freak, and has the best sense of humor. He rarely fails at anything. I have bragged on him before (here, here, and here). He just blows me away on a daily basis. He is, our first born, and always will be. He is special because he is ours.

One of the hardest things about being a parent is watching on the sidelines as they experience any type of emotional or physical pain. Those moments have no words in the English Language. Time stands still, you hold your breath, waiting to see their reaction. Wishing it was you experiencing that pain.

Recently, we had one of those moments with Tyler. Or I should say, we had to sit idly by as he endured a few seconds of this pain alone. Tyler had been anticipating the County Spelling Bee for weeks. (I dressed him nice, apparently too nice-every one else was wearing jeans) and we said a prayer before we left. He was excitedly nervous. I could tell, I'm mommy, that's in the job description, right? He got in line to start spelling, each child that went before him successfully spelling their words. As luck would have it, one of his favorite friends was in the Bee with him. Right in front of him. I could see the butterflies in his stomach begin to take flight, the serious look in his eyes, the nod that he understood the speakers instructions, and not a smile to be cracked. From across the room, his cheering team, gave him thumbs ups and smiles. It was his turn. "Fox", the speaker said, then she used it in a sentence. "F-A-X". Time stopped. Everyone froze, including the judges. We were all in shock. Surely he had spoken so quietly that I had misheard him. He knows that word. It's in the title of one of his favorite books. He didn't really say "A".

Then, the judge shook her head no. The other judge spelled the word correctly. "F-O-X". Fox. Then time sped up, must have been to catch us up with reality, the next second he was in Dan's arms sobbing. It was over. He had been so excited, so much had been leading up to this one event. And in a flash, it was all over. He was devastated. Tyler has always been great at anything he attempted, and not being the best is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. We do our best to prepare him, talking about feelings and telling him our only request is that he does his best. That wasn't his best, and he knew it. Our words of encouragement before the competition were suddenly turned against us. We were not disappointed in him. But he was disappointed with himself, and that was so much worse.

We had to sit and wait until there was a break, he sobbed the entire time. He finally crawled on my lap, eyes closed, head buried in my shoulder. When we were finally able to leave, along with many other sobbing children, he headed straight for the car. He turned his head from everyone that tried to speak to him. That's how my Tyler deals at first. He wants his space to gather his thoughts and then he can talk about it. Even though that is not how I deal with things, I have to respect that in him. He eventually comes around and wants to talk about it, but if you push him, you will get only the answers you want to hear and eyes that refuse to meet yours. We did our best to let him be, encouraging his brother to play outside and taking the other brother to the store to ensure some quiet. And he did come around. Some time alone, his favorite pal, Puppy (stuffed dog) and a few more cries later. He was ok. After all, kids are resilient, right?

But mommy is another story. I can't help but hurt for him. This first big fall, in front of his peers. One of many, I'm sure, but the first is always hardest. I am sitting in bed, wishing I had the power to turn back time. Would I say anything different? Would I have not told him to do his best, just in case his mind went blank?  Would we have studied with him more? Would we have made it less of a big deal? I don't know. I just know that my heart aches for him. His sweet little body laying in his bed, cuddled with his Puppy, sleeping safe and warm. Praying our love and our prayers are enough to heal this scar. And hoping we are able to help him get back onto that horse again and let go, let him ride alone, even if it means he might fall again.

Google, The Mob, and Parenting.

Sometimes Dan and I are unsure of how to handle certain "phases" or situations that we, as parents, are faced with. Ok, deep breath. I know this is a shock, but the truth will set you free. Deep Breaths.....Ok. All better? Good.Let's move on.

Backtalk. This nasty mob boss has taken over our household on different occasions with both our older boys. So what do we do? We have questioned changes in their lives; are they attempting to exert independence, are they feeling constricted, are they stressing about something, or are they just good old fashioned spoiled brats? Our hope is that the last one can be left off the list. We are so intentional about our parenting, so hopefully that is not the case. But we only see from the inside.

Backtalk has brought along a few of it's mobster buddies named Sarcasm and Eye rolling and the newest, most bold member, the word No said in a very defiant way. My first experience of this word led me to believe aliens had come and infested my then four year old and taken his sweet soul hostage. He seemed to be just as surprised by it's outburst as I was. Apparently though, he enjoyed the sound of the word, letting it shoot out of his mouth on occasion. Each time, it was met with Barney Fife action. Nipped in the bud. So we thought. More recently, this member has become a regular occurrence and his mobster members seem to be gaining momentum. We consulted our regular sources, prayer,a few parenting books we like, and other parents. Then we turned to Google. It seems to be able to answer any other question I might have, why not this one. This suggestion was really Dan's though, and he typed in our quandary. The answers that came up were ones that we were currently using. Giving independence in appropriate times, encouraging nice words, holding him accountable, and so on. Now, we are still living with mobsters and Google has been no help. Back to the drawing board, and our old best friend, time.

It just goes to show, you can't parent by Google. To bad though, it sure would be handy!

Boys and Bathrooms

There is a really cool place in every building we go in. It's this thing called the Restroom. Beware, Mommy will tell you it's not clean, ask you if you reeeaally have to go, and even beg you to hold it just a little longer. Don't give in, you will miss all the fun. If she gets persistent, just hold yourself and whine, maybe jump up and down a little, that helps.

Every one is different. Some have these handles that make the toilet make this super loud noise, no matter how many times you push it. Some of them make that noise when you stand up. This is REALLY cool, in some of these Restroom places, they have toilets hanging on the wall! You stand there and go potty, right there on the wall!! They are awesome!! (note- if Daddy is with you, he will tell you not to look at anyone or talk while you use the special wall toilets - he's kind of weird that way, mommy talks all the time in the Restroom thing.) 

Ok, when as you are leaving, there are sinks, you can just ignore those, they're just like the ones at home. Boring!! 

Good Luck, and have fun!!

-The Boys-

Random Funnyness

My kids are always saying things I think are just hilarious and they often don't warrant an entire post. I have gathered a few here for your enjoyment.

At a restaraunt my husband had something called fried mandu (spelling could be wrong) and we were discussing what it might taste like when Tyler offered this explanation: 

Did they fry a man using the bathroom?

******

Isaac: What's inside my belly button?

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Nick: ball ball ball (much cuter when you hear it, but I just couldn't bear to leave him out!)

******

Tyler: Teacher aren't super heroes

Daddy: Yes they are, if there were not teachers how would you learn?

Tyler: The Internet

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Isaac: When I put on my sunglasses all the girls will scream and hug me, but don't worry, momma, they are just my friends.

******

Tyler's teacher: If I have 9 dogs and they all have two ears, how many ears do you think I will have?

Tyler: 18...That's multiplication....It's 9 groups of 2

******

Nick: Tdown (touchdown-arms raised in the air)

******

Tyler: My butt just burped!

First......

My favorite season is Winter.

I like the snow.
I love exploring the white blanket.

 Tyler's very first metaphor!! He wrote this today in class, all by himself. No prompting. Mommy is so proud!! 

 

Valentine Love

These past couple of weeks have been pretty busy around here. But I won't bore you with the details, yet. Right now I just had to sit and write about what is going on in my living room. First off, the Olympics are on our TV. I just love the Olympics. Nick is playing a cross between football, soccer, and bowling. He has two water bottles that he runs at and kicks, saying "Hike" each time. On my right is Tyler, playing a Mario game on his D.S. Isaac sits on my left, playing Diego on his Leapster.  I sit here, in the middle, of the most amazing mommy sandwich.

This is love. On this Valentines Day may you be surrounded with warm, cuddly, love, too.

7 Quick Takes

This week I am dedicating my Quick Takes to my middle son, Isaac. I love you monkey!!

 1.

"momma, do you want Nick to have no more tears?"


Do I want him to not cry anymore?


No, do you want him to have no more tears, like when he cries, no tears will come out.


well, how are you gonna do that


you buy him no more tears shampoo and all his tears will go away

Isaac and I had this conversation the other day. He had the best motivations!

2.

Isaac, are you wearing underwear today?

 

No! I forgot!!

This one happens way more often than you want to know!!

3.

I don't want to color anymore, my brain is tired and my hand says it's done. 

said to our Parents as Teachers lady. 

4.

Isaac:  Mama can I go to the bathroom when we get home?

Yes, sweetie, you can. Did you go here.

Yeah, but I need to poop and I can't take my shoes off in a restruant.

Your right, will you be ok until we make it home, can you hold it.

Yeah, I can toot on the way home

This was the conversation at our local Pizza Hut one night this past week!!  

5.

Mama, I learned a new veggie tales song

You did, what is it?

It's called Where My Treasures Are

How does it go? (daddy asked)

Good. (Isaac said!)

Mama, do you want me to sing it to you?

Yes I do!!

This was on the way home one evening. 

6.

Gotta love snow! 

said after coming in from outside.   

7.

I love you Isaac!! 

Check out Jen @ conversiondiary.com for more Quick Takes!!

Just for fun!

Here is a fun little post- Which baby is which. 

Now I know some of my family reads this, can you guess who is who?? Our boy's names are Tyler, Isaac, and Nick. I'll update with the answers later!

 Baby #1 NICK

Baby #2 TYLER

Baby #3 ISAAC

Good luck!!

Yeah Melissa got it right!!

A Prayer

This morning in the car I hear Isaac in the back.

Momma, tonight before I go to bed I am going to pray for Haiti. All by myself.

Ok, Isaac. That sounds good.

God, if you could just do what I say. Help the people in Haiti, ok??

Yep. That is exactly what he said.  

Momma Knows Best

All of us mommas claim this simple sentence as truth when it comes to our own kids. Momma knows best. We us it when talking to our friends about our kids, exuding pure confidence of our knowledge of our offspring.  We use it when talking with our pediatrician. And a good pediatrician will listen closely to us and be able to decipher the actual issue from our mommy mumblings. We have been fortunate enough to have had two of those pediatricians in the our lives. Or, I am just overbearing enough that the doctor doesn't see the point in talking me down. Let's just go with the first thought.

We recently came across one of those momma knows best scenarios with our youngest son, Nick.When he was an infant, he was so quiet. Always smiling and happy, never dis content with anything. As he got older that contented temper stayed with him. Nothing ever really seemed to bother him, not enough anyway to verbalize it. That is the problem. He just isn't verbalizing. I first noticed this to be a concern at about 10months when he should have been a bubbling, babbling, baby. But still, he was so quiet. I asked our pediatritian on our one year visit. He wasn't too concerned. He has two older brothers that talk for him, two aware parents that understand his non verbal cues, doc said.

Fast forward a few months to our new home, visiting our new pediatrician (my husband refuses to allow me to drive the 3 hours it would take to see our former dr.- let the record reflect I gave it serious thought) who is very kind and seems very knowldgeable. I asked him the same question. "Dr. (name ommitted), I am a little concerned over his language skills (big words used in hopes he will think I am a knowledgeable parent and not a crazy worry momma). He doesn't seem to have some of the sounds I think he should by now. We are not hearing very many words." Again, Dr says, he has two older siblings that have very good language skills and life is busy. Don't worry. If you don't see the progress you want in the next couple of months call me.

Fast forward again,  a couple of months. We go back. Talk again. This time we go a little deeper into devolopmental milestones. Nick is on target or ahead in every other aspect of his devolopment. Remarks of, he is very intelligent, he is very active, he is not behind at all were coming out of the dr's mouth. Tell me again what you are hearing. We go over it again. And again. Detail after detail. My voice shaking the entire time, searching my own vocabulary for the right words to give a better idea of what we see and hear. Finally after what seemed like hours of nervous discussion with quick often glances at my husband for reassurance, we (all three adults in the room) agree to see a speech therapist and have a hearing test done.

Soon after our appointment we had our appointment with a speech therapist. All my fears of poor Nick being scared of the therapist or the therapist thinking we were crazy for taking our 20 month old for speech therapy sat at the back of my throat. After all he is still so little. The speech therapist was so kind. He got down on the floor with Nick and let him wander the entire room. He talked with us (and Nick) and asked us the same questions we had answered at all our other meetings with doctors. The therapist did more devolopemental checklists, assuring us that they were not all inclusive and he only had a short time to see the actions and responses he was looking for. After quite a while ( I lost all track of time, engulfed in the knowledge of the therapist and watching my baby interact with him, oh and filling out the paper work-I loathe paperwork) he finnished his assesment and said the same thing that our other two doctors said. I was just about to scream and beg for someone to give me some useful information when he begin to talk about a "diagonsis" he thought might just be accurate. A diagonsis I thought. I felt a little twinge in my stomach. Oh my. Now what. He explained that it was most likely very minor. He encouraged us to discuss it and do our own research, also, he asked us to think about weekly sessions with him to try some different ideas. He was postitive and helpful.


I couldn't help but leave feeling a little deflated. I was really hoping we would go in there and be told that Nick was simply stubborn and we were just so adept to his non verbal cues he had no reason to speak. I had convinced myself that was the reason. Momma knew best, and that's what Momma knew. When the possibility of another viable reason came up, I was shocked. I began to question myself. Were we to busy trying to juggle our upside down life and our two older boys at those perfect learning times that we missed them? Are we not trying hard enough? Am I being lazy in my parenting and not giving him a reason to verbalize? All these questions are fluttering in my head like butterflies in my stomach. I could hardly concentrate on anything, just those questions and the answers that hadn't been found. So Momma did know best. I knew something was just not right and we were able to get some early intervention. We were also able to get good intervention and doctors in our new town. There a positives inside this worry. Now, we just need to make a decision.

A letter to 2010

Dear 2010,

I would like to first welcome you as I am happy to see 2009 go. It was a trying year for our family, with all the changes, expected and unexpected, that it brought us. But you, 2010, have such potential to be grand! You will  bring me a personal change , a change I have been secretly wishing and waiting for.  And you will bestow on me a momentous birthday that I sheepishly admit I fear. You will bring joyous moments, such as our tenth wedding anniversary. One we are excited silly over!

You will take our babies one year further away from actually being babies and take them one year closer to becoming men. You will take away my second son and send him off to school like the big boy I am not ready for him to be. You see, 2010, it was much easier to send the first one. We waited a year, being a summer birthday and wanting his maturity to ripen a bit, and we were all ready for him to go when it came time. But this one, this one has a different set of charms and I am just not ready yet. My days will be so boring without his world to travel to, and what if his Kindergarten teacher does not want to go to his world with him, will he be ok with that??  You will also move my oldest into 2nd grade. The jump from first to second seems so large, those 2nd graders sure seem big and knowledgeable. And lastly, you will thrust my baby from babydom and make him a full fledged toddler. Those terrible twos will be upon before we know it, banging at our door, begging for him to join. I will do my best to keep him sweet and baby like for as long as I can, but know he has a lot of sibling pressure weighing on him. He already desires to be one of them. Big, smart, with words and questions that stump my brain every day.

You will bring another round of holidays, filled with traditions from the past and excitement over new ones. We hope you will bring us stability, we're not moving this year nor are we looking for new jobs or churches this year. I am terribly excited over this one! I hope you bring us new ideas for family fun and patience. Be kind 2010. Don't change things around here to much, but let us grow where we need to grow and stay where we need to stay.

Sincerely,
Momma

My Trip

Today I was an eye witness to a sinking ship being saved, a monster getting clean, and a water tornado all before I even got dressed. Yup. Nick and I (and any other poor soul that spoke to my five year old today) were wisked away to a fun filled world called Isaac Land. That is what we refer to it around here. It's a magical place where monsters are scary and your best friend, bad guys always lose because of your awesome "orginal karate moves", and your words don't actually have to make sense as long as you say "It's really like this" before your sentence.
It's a place I visit often. It's taxing on the brain, chaotic, and the laws change about every time you blink. Rock, Paper, Scissors is the judical system in Isaac Land. It is the final judge on all matters of importance. Isaac, the king, is always right. Even if he changes his mind.
 This is not a democracy, it's an Issac-ocracy. It has one supreme ruler who will be happy to kick you out of Isaac Land if you don't follow the rules. You can always come back, though, when you say please or if you happen to be the Hulk (or any other super hero for that matter).

I enjoyed my day in Isaac Land. Nick and I had lots of fun hearing stories and sometimes being the stories. Although we didn't always know it!! But, it is great to be back here, in Mommy Land. A restful place where music matches the mood and pillows are soft. Where babies (no matter what age) are sleeping peacefully under the soft glow of christmas lights hung in their rooms. Where Daddy's come and stay to chat, hold us, and laugh about our visit to Isaac Land. I love Mommy Land, but I know that tommorow will bring another visit to Isaac Land. And I will love it.

midnight cuddles

The Midnight Cuddles

are so sweet.

The warmth of his tiny body

hugging so close to me.

The love we share between our hearts.

The peace we serve to each other.

Oh, those midnight cuddles.

The First.....

We both heard it this morning. We paused, looked at each other, not believing at first. It was true. He really said it.

 "Love you, bye bye".

Yup, that was it. The words moistened our eyes as they flowed into our hearts. Daddy was leaving to go to work and he was giving out the daily doses of hugs, kisses, and I love yous on his way out. Nick, our last little baby, looked right at his daddy, with a huge smile on his face and said it. How amazing. How beautiful. How unexpected. I know he made Daddy's day, and mine for simply bearing witness to this magical moment.

To tell or not to tell, that is the question

Last night we picked out some things to give to our church Angel Tree. This is a tree that you pick a gender and age from and then get a gift, wrap it and bring it back. The elementary school principal comes to get them and they are delivered. We have done this in the past and decided that it would be good to let the older boys help pick out things and really talk about what we are doing. This kind of thing usually produces a high volume of questioning from our oldest. (the same child at 5 asked me what would happen to the earth when Jesus came back, at 3 asked me why God made our car white and other people cars other colors, at 5 asked if his baby brother would come out looking like him or his friend who was Latino). So we prepared ourselves mentally and took on the task. 

At dinner, Tyler asked if Santa could just give this little boy presents, why did we have to help.  Well, my husband answered. Santa will come to his house just like ours, but you get presents from both santa and mommy and daddy. We want him to get things from his mommy and daddy too. 

I could see this conversation heading the same sticky place the last conversation did when Tyler questioned why some people don't have daddys. 

At the time, I really thought our answer was ok. It best suited the situation (at the dinner table with smaller ears listening) and gave enough reason to still believe in santa. However,  since then I have questioned myself. Should we tell him more? Did we lie to our child??? I have no idea if Santa is going to visit this little boy, my guess is that we were Santa and his parents, or parent which ever the case may be, has told him to be really good so he might come. I found myself picturing this little boy not knowing if the jolly man would come, cuddled in his cold house under only one blanket, tears streaming down his face in fear that he might not. His stomach may be growling because dinner was small, due to the increased cost of propane. Then my scrooge side kicked in. I have been to houses to deliever baskets  of food only to find big screen tvs and more gaming systems than Best Buy. I thought to myself, this may be the case and your letting your heart get broken over a selfish person. (mind you I am not saying gaming systems are wrong I am saying sell one to buy food) 
At any rate, I came back to the middle some how and returned my thoughts to Tyler. So I am still unsure if what we said was right, if we should expand to him alone or let it go.




Post note- I do believe it is our part to help regardless of how the person appears (i.e. lots of gaming systems and big tv, but no money for food). It is not my place to pass judgement on anyone, reagrdless of what my eyes see. My eyes are human, God's eyes are not. Therefore, we do the deed and let Him do the work.  My Scrooge self was put in check fairly quickly, but I am human and I know He is ok with that. I hope you all choose to help in some way that you can this season and more importantly all year around. 

Selfish Mommy Report

Up to this point my kids have all been excellent nappers. My oldest would nap well after his 6th birthday on the weekends. But now, it seems, my napping days are over. My glorious me time, where I blog, read, relax, stare into space, and take a breather are all slipping away. My middle son (who just turned 5 in Oct.) is just not falling asleep. The old tricks are not working, he is simply not tired. His body no longer seems to need the mid day rest no matter how much I try to convince him. He is not misbehaving or trying to stay up, he lays down and closes his eyes. Then nothing. It is just not like him. When he is ready to do something, it's done. I have even stooped to bribing. I know, I should be kicked out of Mommy Club for this act alone, but what was I to do???? I desperately didn't want to lose my selfish time....
Oh well, time for the next phase in childhood. Remember the sweet sleepy times and cherish the awake fun times, right???? (but I do mourn over you, alone time.)

Pat, I'll take space for a hundred..

Isaac has a new love. For so long, my unpredictable, imaginative, cuddle bug has been into whatever big brother was. It seemed diffucult to foster any likes of his own, he just always wanted to be like Tyler. I don't blame him, his big brother is the coolest kid I know. But we were a little concerned that Isaac wasn't creating his own likes apart from Tyler. Sure, he had a few things he enjoys (imaginext was the best thing ever invented for little boys!) but they all steemed from super heros Tyler likes. But now, he has found a love. An infatuation that can not be denied, not even for one day. It's space. Yep, the final frontier. We are on www.nasa.gov every day. We check out the image of the day and watch videos of "real astronaunts in real live space" doing interviews. More recently we have watched (more than once or even twice) the space shuttle Atlantis landing. We even caught (and this had to have been a miracle) the removing of the astronaunts from the shuttle pod (I hope I am using the right terms here) and placing them on strechers (apparently this is completly normal-something to do with their bodies returning to gravity). He was mesmorized by this newscast. We have also played on nasa kids (they have matching games and Buzz Lightyear games). I am overjoyed that he has found an interest all on his own. I love watching his brain get bigger every time we talk about it and even more, I love watching him retell what we talked about to his daddy." Someday", he says, "I will go to Saturn and see it's rings". I hope he does.

Here is Isaac on nasa kids club-look at that brain grow!!