Google, The Mob, and Parenting.

Sometimes Dan and I are unsure of how to handle certain "phases" or situations that we, as parents, are faced with. Ok, deep breath. I know this is a shock, but the truth will set you free. Deep Breaths.....Ok. All better? Good.Let's move on.

Backtalk. This nasty mob boss has taken over our household on different occasions with both our older boys. So what do we do? We have questioned changes in their lives; are they attempting to exert independence, are they feeling constricted, are they stressing about something, or are they just good old fashioned spoiled brats? Our hope is that the last one can be left off the list. We are so intentional about our parenting, so hopefully that is not the case. But we only see from the inside.

Backtalk has brought along a few of it's mobster buddies named Sarcasm and Eye rolling and the newest, most bold member, the word No said in a very defiant way. My first experience of this word led me to believe aliens had come and infested my then four year old and taken his sweet soul hostage. He seemed to be just as surprised by it's outburst as I was. Apparently though, he enjoyed the sound of the word, letting it shoot out of his mouth on occasion. Each time, it was met with Barney Fife action. Nipped in the bud. So we thought. More recently, this member has become a regular occurrence and his mobster members seem to be gaining momentum. We consulted our regular sources, prayer,a few parenting books we like, and other parents. Then we turned to Google. It seems to be able to answer any other question I might have, why not this one. This suggestion was really Dan's though, and he typed in our quandary. The answers that came up were ones that we were currently using. Giving independence in appropriate times, encouraging nice words, holding him accountable, and so on. Now, we are still living with mobsters and Google has been no help. Back to the drawing board, and our old best friend, time.

It just goes to show, you can't parent by Google. To bad though, it sure would be handy!

Some food for thought....

This morning I watched a short segment featured on the Today show about Ted Haggard. He was the pastor of a very large church and president of National Association of Evangelicals, who admitted to homosexual relations and drug use about three years ago. 

I had not kept up with this story after it broke. But after being reminded of it this morning, I was bothered by what his wife was saying. She said "So I realized that Christians are just people. They aren't any better than anyone else." Wow. That statement says it all, doesn't it. Are we suppose to be better, do we have some kind of high speed, more reliable connection with God? I don't fee like He is doing me any favors because I am a Christian. I feel safe, I know (from expereince) that following His advice is always better than the alternative. Do I still have pain and fear and worry? Yes. Those things don't disapear because of my Religous stance, it's an intimate relationship that is so hard to describe with words.

My other worry about this particular situation is the reaction of their church. They were kicked out. Really??? That is the best way to love as Christ loved? I agree that maybe he needed to removed from a postion of authority, but to kick them out! I don't think that is what we are called to do. They were saying "if you mess up and actually sin or have a real issue you need your church family to support you during, we will kick you out if we feel it is too dirty to help with".

I am reminded of DC Talk. The song "What if I Stumble" opens with these words:

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

While I realize that not all Christians behave that way, and I am not free from mistakes, it is so heartbreaking to hear of cases like this that catch big media attention and shed such negative light in our direction.  So how can I overcome this hurdle in my own life? Well, I think by just focusing on God, knowing that I will fail, and trying the very best that I can to see others the way he sees them. It's hard. Some of those people have hurt me, judged me, treated me as if I am nonexistent, or said things about my children that were unkind. I am human with human feelings, the only difference is I have a relationship that some people don't. And that relationship is what changed me.

Word of the Year

I have been reading lately how many bloggers are (or have already) picking a word for the year and meditating on it daily. It got me thinking, if I were to choose one word what would it be? Instantly I worried. What if circumstances change and that word no longer fits come June or July? Am I stuck with that word for the next 11 months? I realize not everyone takes such care in choosing one word or that worry is even necessary. I admit, I thought this was not for me. But then I began to think. What if I posted that one word around the house. I would then see this word ALL THE TIME, because I am here ALL THE TIME. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. It would give me a good starting point for a study. So I gave it a go, I began thinking of words and looking them up. I wanted to know their meaning, origin, and how they were used in sentences. Ok, most of the words I came up with needed other words to make clear the meaning I wanted.To find one word, this would be a daunting task. I thought and thought. and thought.....and thought.

I came up with stewardship. "a person who manages another's property". I want my life to be full and joy filled. And I often forget that it's not mine. That I was given it, a gift that I am to be grateful for, and use wisely. I find myself wishing I were a better steward of my time and money. So I am going to post this word around my house and in my mind. Maybe it will rub off on the other members of my house too!!!

Thank you to Irenic Thoughts for this cartoon!

Morning Thoughts

This morning I watched a video posted on CNN that was prefaced with a viewer discretion. I was confident I could handle the scene that was about to unfold before my eyes. But I was so very wrong. The "white noise" of people yelling, children crying, and the simple fear those voices conveyed was enough to give me nightmares, let alone what my sense of sight was taking in. There were arms and legs just dangling, hoping someone would see them and rescue them, people trying desperately to escape the cement sandwich they were trapped in, and loved ones picking up those they loved the most.

While I sat and watch this horror, from the comfort of my warm and furnished home, my two little ones are watching cartoon and eating apples, they are dressed in warm and clean clothes. They have never had to experience a true tragedy.

I am left feeling guilt, for I do not deserve to have all my good any more than the people of Haiti deserve this unexpected tragedy. And then I feel grateful. And finally, a feeling of urgency to help washes over me.


I did not link the video here, if you would like to watch it, it's at cnn.com. First video on the site.

Momma Knows Best

All of us mommas claim this simple sentence as truth when it comes to our own kids. Momma knows best. We us it when talking to our friends about our kids, exuding pure confidence of our knowledge of our offspring.  We use it when talking with our pediatrician. And a good pediatrician will listen closely to us and be able to decipher the actual issue from our mommy mumblings. We have been fortunate enough to have had two of those pediatricians in the our lives. Or, I am just overbearing enough that the doctor doesn't see the point in talking me down. Let's just go with the first thought.

We recently came across one of those momma knows best scenarios with our youngest son, Nick.When he was an infant, he was so quiet. Always smiling and happy, never dis content with anything. As he got older that contented temper stayed with him. Nothing ever really seemed to bother him, not enough anyway to verbalize it. That is the problem. He just isn't verbalizing. I first noticed this to be a concern at about 10months when he should have been a bubbling, babbling, baby. But still, he was so quiet. I asked our pediatritian on our one year visit. He wasn't too concerned. He has two older brothers that talk for him, two aware parents that understand his non verbal cues, doc said.

Fast forward a few months to our new home, visiting our new pediatrician (my husband refuses to allow me to drive the 3 hours it would take to see our former dr.- let the record reflect I gave it serious thought) who is very kind and seems very knowldgeable. I asked him the same question. "Dr. (name ommitted), I am a little concerned over his language skills (big words used in hopes he will think I am a knowledgeable parent and not a crazy worry momma). He doesn't seem to have some of the sounds I think he should by now. We are not hearing very many words." Again, Dr says, he has two older siblings that have very good language skills and life is busy. Don't worry. If you don't see the progress you want in the next couple of months call me.

Fast forward again,  a couple of months. We go back. Talk again. This time we go a little deeper into devolopmental milestones. Nick is on target or ahead in every other aspect of his devolopment. Remarks of, he is very intelligent, he is very active, he is not behind at all were coming out of the dr's mouth. Tell me again what you are hearing. We go over it again. And again. Detail after detail. My voice shaking the entire time, searching my own vocabulary for the right words to give a better idea of what we see and hear. Finally after what seemed like hours of nervous discussion with quick often glances at my husband for reassurance, we (all three adults in the room) agree to see a speech therapist and have a hearing test done.

Soon after our appointment we had our appointment with a speech therapist. All my fears of poor Nick being scared of the therapist or the therapist thinking we were crazy for taking our 20 month old for speech therapy sat at the back of my throat. After all he is still so little. The speech therapist was so kind. He got down on the floor with Nick and let him wander the entire room. He talked with us (and Nick) and asked us the same questions we had answered at all our other meetings with doctors. The therapist did more devolopemental checklists, assuring us that they were not all inclusive and he only had a short time to see the actions and responses he was looking for. After quite a while ( I lost all track of time, engulfed in the knowledge of the therapist and watching my baby interact with him, oh and filling out the paper work-I loathe paperwork) he finnished his assesment and said the same thing that our other two doctors said. I was just about to scream and beg for someone to give me some useful information when he begin to talk about a "diagonsis" he thought might just be accurate. A diagonsis I thought. I felt a little twinge in my stomach. Oh my. Now what. He explained that it was most likely very minor. He encouraged us to discuss it and do our own research, also, he asked us to think about weekly sessions with him to try some different ideas. He was postitive and helpful.


I couldn't help but leave feeling a little deflated. I was really hoping we would go in there and be told that Nick was simply stubborn and we were just so adept to his non verbal cues he had no reason to speak. I had convinced myself that was the reason. Momma knew best, and that's what Momma knew. When the possibility of another viable reason came up, I was shocked. I began to question myself. Were we to busy trying to juggle our upside down life and our two older boys at those perfect learning times that we missed them? Are we not trying hard enough? Am I being lazy in my parenting and not giving him a reason to verbalize? All these questions are fluttering in my head like butterflies in my stomach. I could hardly concentrate on anything, just those questions and the answers that hadn't been found. So Momma did know best. I knew something was just not right and we were able to get some early intervention. We were also able to get good intervention and doctors in our new town. There a positives inside this worry. Now, we just need to make a decision.

A letter to 2010

Dear 2010,

I would like to first welcome you as I am happy to see 2009 go. It was a trying year for our family, with all the changes, expected and unexpected, that it brought us. But you, 2010, have such potential to be grand! You will  bring me a personal change , a change I have been secretly wishing and waiting for.  And you will bestow on me a momentous birthday that I sheepishly admit I fear. You will bring joyous moments, such as our tenth wedding anniversary. One we are excited silly over!

You will take our babies one year further away from actually being babies and take them one year closer to becoming men. You will take away my second son and send him off to school like the big boy I am not ready for him to be. You see, 2010, it was much easier to send the first one. We waited a year, being a summer birthday and wanting his maturity to ripen a bit, and we were all ready for him to go when it came time. But this one, this one has a different set of charms and I am just not ready yet. My days will be so boring without his world to travel to, and what if his Kindergarten teacher does not want to go to his world with him, will he be ok with that??  You will also move my oldest into 2nd grade. The jump from first to second seems so large, those 2nd graders sure seem big and knowledgeable. And lastly, you will thrust my baby from babydom and make him a full fledged toddler. Those terrible twos will be upon before we know it, banging at our door, begging for him to join. I will do my best to keep him sweet and baby like for as long as I can, but know he has a lot of sibling pressure weighing on him. He already desires to be one of them. Big, smart, with words and questions that stump my brain every day.

You will bring another round of holidays, filled with traditions from the past and excitement over new ones. We hope you will bring us stability, we're not moving this year nor are we looking for new jobs or churches this year. I am terribly excited over this one! I hope you bring us new ideas for family fun and patience. Be kind 2010. Don't change things around here to much, but let us grow where we need to grow and stay where we need to stay.

Sincerely,
Momma

Twas the day before Christmas Eve...

 Today Tyler got a special treat. He had a friend over. They played and played and talked and laughed and played some more. It was a rare treat for Momma to see him socializing with a friend. I don't get to see him at school so this was especially exciting. He had so much fun. They created a ginger bread house and ate most of the candy before it could decorate the house.

While Tyler and his friend were playing, Isaac had a special Daddy day. They went to lunch at one of Isaac's favorite restraunts and finnished some grocery shopping. And thanks to a little creativity on Mommy and Daddy's part, picked up an early Christmas gift for him and Tyler. (Lego Rock Band in case you were curious, we traded in some old games and books we no longer read, so the cost was very minimal) They returned home happy and full of grocery sacks.

Nick and I had a great time just the two of us. We played in his room with whatever he wanted to. No one to tempt him away from what he was playing with. We read books and I carried him. Everywhere. I know this is such a bad habit, but he is my very last baby and I am detrimined to keep it that way for as long as I can. He took a long nap and woke up happy.

A day well spent relaxing and having fun, in our own individual ways. Resting up for the next few days of excitement and travel. Tommorow is Christmas Eve. Let the holiday begin!!!

midnight cuddles

The Midnight Cuddles

are so sweet.

The warmth of his tiny body

hugging so close to me.

The love we share between our hearts.

The peace we serve to each other.

Oh, those midnight cuddles.

I wonder what you think??

I am currently searching for some new children's books. I have my heart set on something different, that maybe I didn't already know about. Please tell me what your kids' favorite book is, and encourage everyone you know to do the same. If you don't have kids, what was your favorite book as a kid???

I am excited to hear all of your ideas!! And even more excited to read the books with my own kids!

To tell or not to tell, that is the question

Last night we picked out some things to give to our church Angel Tree. This is a tree that you pick a gender and age from and then get a gift, wrap it and bring it back. The elementary school principal comes to get them and they are delivered. We have done this in the past and decided that it would be good to let the older boys help pick out things and really talk about what we are doing. This kind of thing usually produces a high volume of questioning from our oldest. (the same child at 5 asked me what would happen to the earth when Jesus came back, at 3 asked me why God made our car white and other people cars other colors, at 5 asked if his baby brother would come out looking like him or his friend who was Latino). So we prepared ourselves mentally and took on the task. 

At dinner, Tyler asked if Santa could just give this little boy presents, why did we have to help.  Well, my husband answered. Santa will come to his house just like ours, but you get presents from both santa and mommy and daddy. We want him to get things from his mommy and daddy too. 

I could see this conversation heading the same sticky place the last conversation did when Tyler questioned why some people don't have daddys. 

At the time, I really thought our answer was ok. It best suited the situation (at the dinner table with smaller ears listening) and gave enough reason to still believe in santa. However,  since then I have questioned myself. Should we tell him more? Did we lie to our child??? I have no idea if Santa is going to visit this little boy, my guess is that we were Santa and his parents, or parent which ever the case may be, has told him to be really good so he might come. I found myself picturing this little boy not knowing if the jolly man would come, cuddled in his cold house under only one blanket, tears streaming down his face in fear that he might not. His stomach may be growling because dinner was small, due to the increased cost of propane. Then my scrooge side kicked in. I have been to houses to deliever baskets  of food only to find big screen tvs and more gaming systems than Best Buy. I thought to myself, this may be the case and your letting your heart get broken over a selfish person. (mind you I am not saying gaming systems are wrong I am saying sell one to buy food) 
At any rate, I came back to the middle some how and returned my thoughts to Tyler. So I am still unsure if what we said was right, if we should expand to him alone or let it go.




Post note- I do believe it is our part to help regardless of how the person appears (i.e. lots of gaming systems and big tv, but no money for food). It is not my place to pass judgement on anyone, reagrdless of what my eyes see. My eyes are human, God's eyes are not. Therefore, we do the deed and let Him do the work.  My Scrooge self was put in check fairly quickly, but I am human and I know He is ok with that. I hope you all choose to help in some way that you can this season and more importantly all year around. 

Turkey with a side of pride cake, please

What a past few days we have had! I have to admit I have gotten very comfy in my new role and the joy of not having to leave my house. I have come to truly enjoy the slow pace and the time to let my two younger kids lead the days activities.  But these past four days have seem to be full of shopping lists. The taste of the old life came back in a flash. Kids packed in the van driving down the curvy highway to the next town. The thrill of seeing new things on store shelves with bright sale signs just begging me to buy. The rush of excitement as I walk through the isles, oohing and aahing over the cutest little clothes and shoes and organizational items.

The minute I step back into the van, I feel the tiredness and crankiness that follow a long day out with everyone. I suddenly remember why I needed a change. Why I had to rearange the inner workings of my brain. Being out so often and for such long periods of time is so hard on us. As a family. The lights are wearing on our eyes, the walking tiring to our bodies, the stocked shelves and brightly colored sale signs overwhelming to our brains.

 I still enjoy the occasional days of shopping with the humming of busy cities, but now I am thankful for the learned lesson of moderation I have discovered this late in life. I regret that it took so long and to be honest a bit ashamed at this lesson needing to be learned at my age. I suppose wisdom knows no age limits and I hope I will continue to be open to the leaning of more wisdom, even if it means I must swallow some very large bites of pride cake.